I was out running this morning, and I noticed my mind drifting and becoming agitated. Not the usual ‘I hate running, this is hard, why in the hell do I do this?’ agitation that I feel from time to time when I exercise, but the ‘what the fuck is wrong with people?’ agitation that I experience with more frequency since the pandemic started. From the first, I have noticed my internal state shift and what was once a pretty positive, understanding, curious, and patient demeanor has shifted, and I find myself frequently less patient, angrier, and agitated.
“Why the fuck aren’t they wearing masks?”
“Why the fuck aren’t they distancing?”
“They are going to make this worse!”
I am being patient with myself, and sometimes that is all you can do. You only have the energy you have, and I feel like most of my energy goes to extending patience to myself, my friends, and family, and some days that is enough. This pandemic has created stress for us all. I am not alone in feeling scared about the future, my health, the health of those I love, or the health of those thousands of miles away in India as the virus ravages some areas. I, like many others, am experiencing fear around work, finances, supporting myself, staying safe, and all those stresses are enough to make me a little agitated from time to time, and this morning was one of those times.
I was running and trying to stay on top of my mental health by exercising, and what prompted the thought was that I smiled at five or so people only to be met with blank eyes. I saw two gentlemen frustrated with their dogs and yelling at them and physically scolding them for doing things that dogs do. The air this morning was crisp, and the mountains were beautiful. There was dew on the grass, and the world was coming alive the way it does in spring, but the people I saw all around, including myself, seemed to be overwhelmed, worried, and agitated. After I tried to smile at another runner, I thought “What the fuck is wrong with people?”
That thought snapped me out of my mood and helped me begin to reflect a little. I’m agitated. You’re agitated. We’re all agitated, and what in the hell can I do about it? I can take ownership of my mental state. I’m agitated because I’m worried about money, getting the podcast going, growing the podcast, living with three roommates, working at home with three roommates, having a partner, taking care of a puppy, worrying about my friends in India, worrying about my step-mother’s health, and wondering if I’ll talk to my dad before he dies. WOW! OK. After a quick inventory, I can see that I have a ton on my emotional plate. And then I remembered it.
When I was in my twenties and working at a grocery store as a check out clerk and bagger, I noticed that everyone at the store seemed to be locked in some personal bubble of stress, and so I decided to try and genuinely ask everyone how their day was going. “Hey! :) How are you today?” What usually followed was an automated “fine” or “good” or “ya know, I’m surviving.”
So I began to try and ask them again in a slightly different way while making eye contact, “How’s your day been?” and I meant it. I wanted to know the answer and WOW! People, for the most part, would open up and tell me about their day…..good, bad, boring, exciting, and everything in between, and after a few minutes of real human connection, I’d like to think that we both felt a little better and got out of our heads for a second. It seemed like a nice break inside the rushing and do, do, do culture that capitalism thrives on.
As I ran on, looking at the placid lake to my left and trying to get my dog to keep up and drop the stick she was wielding like a proud trophy, I remembered this and thought, “We have to keep trying to look at one another. I have to keep smiling at people. If I lose this, then I lose everything.” No matter how stressed I was when I was working at the grocery store, I always found some peace connecting with others. If I was having a crap day and they seemed open to hearing about it, I’d tell them about it, and we’d connect. If I was excited and happy, I’d share it with them. If they were excited and happy, they would share it with me, and it all started with eye contact and a smile. Two of the easiest forms of non-verbal communication available to us are looking at someone, acknowledging that they exist, and then smiling and letting them know you are glad they exist.
One thing I learned in my travels to Southern India was that when you meet someone, you touch your heart. You take a second and acknowledge that God lives in that other person, that they have a heart, and that you see one another. After traveling around it became automatic. You pass someone, you look them in the eyes, you touch your heart and bow a little bit, because God dwells in them too.
This pandemic, these times, and all the political confusion and social arguments are making it more and more difficult to connect. I’m scared, you’re probably scared, and we’re all running around confused and a little frightened. I know that today I felt more alone and more scared every time someone didn’t look at me or acknowledge that I exist. I felt defensive when my smiles were met with blank stares, and I felt the urge to blame the other person and make them wrong. So, I’m setting the goal to keep smiling, to keep trying to make eye contact, to continue to acknowledge the basic humanity in others, and I’m going to try and keep smiling. I’m going to wave, even if my waves are ignored, and I’m going to try and stay connected with others.
I know it works. It worked at the grocery store when I was younger. It worked in India when I traveled in the south, and it worked for my aunt. My aunt moved to Ohio and would walk around the neighborhood every day with her dog. When she first started walking, she would wave at people as they passed in their cars,and for a long time she was met with blank stares, glares, and the general distrust that pervades the midwestern part of this country. The last time I was back visiting I went for a walk with her and watched her wave at everyone that drove by. And you know what? Now they wave back. She connected with them.
I’m going to try one little thing each day to stay connected to other people. I’m going to try to keep smiling, make eye contact, and acknowledge others during these frightening times. I am hoping it will help me keep that ember of humility, hope, and desire to connect with others after this extremely difficult year.
Peace and Love
Colby Marie
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