With reverence for the indigenous peoples whose land I travel on and the grace that led me to the history and world view of those people in a small book shop in college.
Driving out of the Valles Caldera National Preserve outside Pojoaque, New Mexico looking over the expansive depression where a liquid hot magma chamber had once bubbled 14 miles wide and thousands and thousands of feet deep, I felt the familiar feeling of humble gratitude that frequently arises when I am in nature; awe.
Awe: a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder
Taking a deep breath while rounding another meandering curve in State Highway 4, I felt at peace after three days of sleeping outside, rising and resting with the sun. I felt awe. I wondered who lived in this open expanse of majesty hunting, foraging and collecting obsidian before we came around laying roads. I felt fear. I wondered how long before this place would be overrun with tourists for the summer and possibly lose some of the stillness it had this foggy morning. I felt respect for the planet, for humans, for the four leggeds, for the insects, for the elements, for the sun, for the moon, for the water flowing, for the magma churning and spinning our planet.
Two nights before this sunrise drive out of the Preserve I was lying in a hammock nestled in a grove of Aspens. The sun was setting and about half of the leaves were gone from the trees due to an annual forest tent caterpillar hatching. The gorgeous, furry, blue little darlings were decimating the Aspen leaves and were falling out of the sky, swarming the ground and working to ensure another generation of their little ones have a chance next season. As I lay softly swinging in the trees I had a memory.
I remembered how much I used to crave coming out into the woods to walk, to eat, to sleep and to camp. I remembered feeling like my body hungered for the outdoors. I would crave being outside for the cycle of a full day. One full spin after another on her axis and me outside on her back. I needed to feel all of the changes, the cycles, the phases and the movement of the day. I needed to feel it, sleep with it, wake and rest with it. I needed to feel small, reverent and more than anything I needed to feel awe. I needed to ask myself questions that are important and that may have no answer. Questions like:
Why are we here?
What does the dark side of the moon look like?
What will happen if we destroy the earth?
What is this bug eating?
Will it rain?
Why in all of this expansive galaxy do we exist?
Why is there something when there could be nothing?
Why am I here?
Who am I?
Going into nature and tapping back into the cycle of the sun, moon, stars, sky, water and the ever changing planet gives me a sense of awe, and I feel like lying in the hammock. I remembered how long I have been craving that. My whole life, I have always needed to step away from the hustle and bustle of the man-made world and step into the rhythms and dances of nature. The wind, the birds, the bugs. I think that we all need that. Lying in the hammock with the sun setting I remembered a time when I was younger and would get swept away with striving, reaching and yearning for things, experiences and status. And, I remembered that feeling of my soul, or whatever you want to call it, calling me back to itself, back to the rhythms of nature, back to the cycles of the seasons, back to the phases of the moon, back to the ever changing sameness of this very moment.
I am happy to report that the feeling of awe is with me as I write this. I feel myself bumbling and stumbling over my words as I try to communicate something inexpressible. I am grateful for the lessons nature teaches me, for the curiosity it inspires, for the wonder it unfolds and for the rhythms and melodies that it helps me tune to. I am sharing this as a prayer that we can all listen to and align ourselves with the cycles of nature and not the cycles of man. The 8 hour work day, the 5 day work week and all the things we fill our life with are not our natural rhythms. I pray that you can slow down, listen to the wind, stare at the sky, dip your feet in the creek and feel the earth below you, holding you as the sky dazzles above. Skip down a road, look at a bug, sing into the starry night, “I love you and all your ever moving parts!!!!”
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